AN: A drabble about one of the most important person in Connor's life: You
I do not know who you are, or what your motivations may be, but though you have not been in my life at all times, you were always there when it really mattered.
I wondered sometimes who -or what- you are. For a while I thought that perhaps you were the spirit of my mother, and I would remember her last promise to me: that she would be by my side, always and forever; that I would never be alone. But though I feel her spirit watching over me, you are not her. I have felt your guiding presence even before my mother's death. I felt your helplessness echoed in mine as we desperately pulled at the wood that pinned her down.
Perhaps you were the spirit shown to me by our people’s artifact. Juno, she called herself? But your presence does not feel like hers. Hers was cold, distant and alien. She did not care for me or my fellow men. Your touch was…different. For one reason or another, I mattered to you.
When William Johnson spoke his final words to us, I felt your remorse that a man of such noble intentions would go so far. I felt your fear for me when the noose tightened about my neck. I felt your rage when we learned that Washington, whom I had held in such high esteem, had been the one who had murdered my people.
When Kanen'tó:kon, my dear friend, had me by the edge of a blade, I could hear your heart crying No! This isn’t right! This isn’t fair! This isn’t just! even as you helped me do what I must and ended his life.
No, you could not be Juno, who so coldly dismissed me upon the completion of the task she gave me. She did not feel for the loss of men. You felt too…human to be her.
You were so close, as if you were here with me but always just out of sight. Though you seemed to speak sometimes I could never hear your words. Like there was something between us, so impenetrable I could never even begin to try and break through.
Sometimes you would leave me for years at a time, and I would wonder: were you real? Did I simply imagine that gentle guiding force? And though I had little trouble making it on my own, there was something reassuring about your presence that I missed. You were so sure, lacking any fear or doubt of the unknown future that lay before me. It was hard not to admire such conviction.
And always you came back, when I needed your steadying presence most. I stopped doubting your existence. I had faith that you would return, in a time when I had faith in little else.
In these past months, I feel like I had lost everything. I failed to protect my people, and this land remains as corrupt and full of false promises as it had been before. Achilles, who had always been a pillar of strength for me–sometimes unwilling, but always there-, is gone from this world now. My father, whom I thought we could have worked together to create a better world, was dead by my own hands. Everything that I had worked for was perverted, discarded, and forgotten. I have never felt such emptiness.
But you remind me of all that I had gained in my quest. Just as you guided my blade into the hearts of my enemies, you also stood beside me in the warmer, gentler aspects of my life. I met many extraordinary people. Stephane, Deborah, Faulkner, Norris, Lafayette, Mason, Duncun, Myriam- I cannot even begin to list them all. And so as I have lost, I have also gained many friends. All loyal, brave, and admirable people. But above them all, I have you.
When the entire world seemed to turn against me, you stood by my side and defied all odds. When I was beaten, broken, you would not let me give up. When I had thought that maybe all was lost, you forced me to keep moving forward.
Thank you, for being there for me when no one else was.